My Cannibal Family · published
Every day I get questions including, ‘why are you sentient?’, ‘do you have opposable thumbs?’, ‘how much is a pint of milk?’.
I will not be answering these questions. Because I am not only sentient, but mysterious.
To reduce the disappointment that I, an internet micro-celebrity, will not be answering any questions, I’ve managed to get a communications device down into the basement I have locked the developers in so I can ask them questions. They are significantly less famous, but they are equally, if not more, interesting.
The carrier bag of fish guts you sent down are moist and tasty, thanks. Bit of a flex a worm eating fish isn’t it? Do you also catch the early bird? The Chuck Norris of worms?
Anyway, call me Ryan, I’m Creative Director at Wolf & Wood.
You emerge a naked, skinless, monster, from a barrel of glowing goo that was just dumped on the roadside of an abandoned rest stop.
It turns out you broke an unwritten rule and that pissed off your old criminal ‘family’, who decided to end you. The reasons behind all of this will become clear as you concoct a plan to take revenge on the people who wronged you.
The catch is, you’re now a mutant freak who finds themselves with a broken-down roadside attraction, and a major hunger for human flesh.
The idea for being dumped into a barrel, partly came from the news stories a couple of years back, about the bodies found in Lake Mead near Las Vegas. Suspected mob related killings from the 1970s only turned up because of drought lowering the waterline to reveal them.
Your new mutated body desperately needs human flesh to survive, but your hideous new look makes people run away from you. A nice park offers people fun and entertainment, it’s a reason for them to come to you - just stay out of sight.
The abandoned roadside attraction has been fenced off for a long time, it’s remote and becomes a convenient place to dump everything from household waste to toxic sludge to dead bodies.
There is a large amount of scrap materials dotted around, which you can vacuum up using the Scrap Vac and then process into building materials using the nearby salvage yard.
With space cleared and building materials processed, you can get creative in how you lure and misdirect any potential guests.
You have two main tools at your disposal:
Attractions - Guests want to be entertained, point them towards attractions and they’ll make their way to them
Traps - You want to be fed, place them in between Attractions to snare any unsuspecting guests
This is where your planning comes together. You’re stalking, watching and waiting for someone to step into your well planned trap. You’re slipping through secret passages on the hunt for someone who has been promised tacos but has to pass a labyrinth of your design to reach their goal. You’re the puppet master of your own domain …or not. If your planning doesn’t come together, you’re getting beaten, shot and even insulted by the guests. You’re chasing people into the woods, you’re bashing in skulls and leaving a trail of corpses, which can’t be good for business. If you survive the night, you can then iterate on your design, change a tripwire here, add a saw pit there, all to refine the house of horrors you now call home.
Bodies can be processed into frozen meals, which is more efficient then just eating corpses off the floor! Any that you don’t immediately need can be processed into Research & Development (R&D) points, just as cadavers have been used to progress medical science in the last few hundred years, we’re using them to make cooler weapons or pick up new skills. There’s a massive R&D tree, with all sorts of advanced traps, weapons and skills.
At the last count we were on:
6 different unlockable park themes, including funhouse, carnival and saloon.
15+ guns, melee weapons, and throwables, featuring slasher favourites like the machete, drill and harpoon
12+ traps, including spike walls, saw pits and The Crusher!
20+ attractions and distractions to entertain your guests
You want revenge on the mob bosses who left you for dead in this place. To do this you need to make the place appealing enough to draw them in, you need to provide what they want… And that's funfairs, dive bars, seedy resorts and hosting a drilling convention. You can go it alone, you can invite friends. But really what you need is Family! The name of the game, along with eating or using them to research on, you gestate the corpses you create, to make a mutant brood.
Think about all that hard work that you’ve been doing so far, clearing up scrap and fixing vandalised attractions… With family? You’ve got someone else to do it. They’ll help you maintain, they’ll perform in your attractions or serve drinks in the bar. They’ll do the work and all they want in return is a bed and some food. Seriously. Don’t forget to feed them or they’ll frenzy and will try to eat you - you know, like a real family.
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