Noobs Are Coming · published · build 20122975
Update 14.0 : HUGE Update + 10 Items + 10 Achievements + New Enemy + QOL + Balancing (September 23 2025) Here are the main goals of this HUGE 14.0 update:
Make every stat meaningful: complete rework of Range, Cooldown, and Knockback stats.
Make every item impactful: many items now have unique effects, and stat-boosting items give much bigger increments. White-tier items also offer more interesting choices.
Fewer but stronger drops: players now get slightly fewer items during a run, but each one has a much stronger impact.
15 new items + major reworks: 15 brand-new items, numerous reworks, and a few removals of less interesting items.
Raise the challenge in D5: tighter balancing to keep the game challenging at Difficulty 5
New achievements: all remaining “Win a Run with X Character in D5” achievements are implemented (retroactively unlocked at first launch of 14.0+ if already completed)
Extensive balancing: a pass across attacks, items, and difficulty curves
Quality-of-life improvements: small changes to make the game smoother
Better looking UI
Noobs Are Coming has always shined through its huge playstyle diversity, with 35 playable characters with unique effects and 70+ silly attacks with their own features. And now thanks to this update, the Items are also a super interesting aspect of the game.
Also I’m super happy to announce that Valve has officially added Noobs Are Coming to the “Steam Deck Verified ✅” catalog. It feels quite surreal to see my game listed in such a prestigious catalog!
Here is the changelog, keep in mind this list is FAR from exhaustive. Almost every single item in the game has been reworked, with many receiving significant buffs. Players will now find slightly fewer items during a run, but each one has a much stronger impact. NEW CONTENT
15 NEW ITEMS
New Enemy Type: Elite Animated Armor spawing Damaging Areas around the player
New Item: Venom: each time you’re doing an crit hit on an enemy, there is a chance to poison it doing Dots Dex Damage
New Item: Specialist (red item); you can only find Attacks you already have equipped
New Item: Banker’s Heart (blue item): extra HP Max based on your current Souls count
New Item: Orb Vacuum (green item): attracts your Skill Orbs
New Item: Potion Detox (blue item); convert 100% of your Heal from Potions stat to Luck (1 Heal from Potion => 4 Luck)
New Item: Whispers (white item), 10% chance to heal 1 HP when picking up a soul
New Item: Fortress (blue, more armor while standing still)
New Item: Spit (white, slowdown enemies when you hit them)
New Item: Polyspecialist (purple item)
New Item: Learning Curve (green item)
New Item: Necromancy (blue item)
New Item: Liar (purple)
New Item: Critical Eye (purple)
New Item: Grand Cru (purple)
New Item: Long Arm (green)
10 New Achievements: all remaining “Win a run with this character in D5” are now implemented (Belzebuth, Nosferastik, Scrollmancer, Killer of Demon Hunter, Boomperor, Cat, Belzebuth, Magnebro, Mr Glitch, Longnek, Behemoth)
Those achievements are retroactively unlocked the first time you launch the game in version 14.0+ if you already completed them in previous versions
ENHANCEMENTS:
QOL: On the title screen and on the progress screen, the current completion of achievements is displayed (ex: “84/113”)
Full rework of the Knockback Stat
Full rework of the Cooldown Stat (and it is now Attack Speed)
Full rework of the Range Stat
Completely changed the effects of tons of items, the goal is to make every single item in the game feel meaningful
Change the name/icon of some existing items
Changed the balancing of many characters and attacks (especially since 3 main stats were fully reworked)
Rebalanced many waves
Improved the visual of the icons
Removed a few items that weren’t super interesting in their current implementation
New Stat: Damage against Elites
Many Skills (Impact/Wrecking Ball/Dash now have Bonus Damage against Elites, which should make skill more viable for end runs
Removed XP Gain Stat Upgrades from the Level Up Upgrades to avoid too much dilution of the available choices when you Level Up
DoTs Attack (Poison Dagger, Torch, Bow) are now more powerful
Ballista: now even Tier 0 has piercing
Wrecking Ball: provide +10% Speed
Whip: 100% Minion Damage => 60% Minion Damage, 60% Strength Damage
Pentagram: while inside the circle: +20% Damage => -20% Cooldown
Shovel Attack: Max Trigger per Animation for the Soul Spawning 1 => 1/2/2/3
RNGesus: +100 Luck -25% Cooldown => +80 Luck -20% Cooldown
Centilegs Character Rework
Removed the vortex animation during the Level Upgrade phase for now
Pyromaniac Item Full Rework: each time you hit an item there is a change to burn it doing Dots Elem Damage
Boomperor: explosion scales with 200% Amount => 400% Amount
Boomperor: init attack slot: 2 => 3
QOL: the description of effects of many items/characters are now more concise and compact
QOL: the separator line of some tooltip is now more subtle
Numerous balancing tweaks following recent major changes (items, attacks, enemies, waves, and core formulas) (14.3)
Bugfix: Paloof heroic boss fight not appearing (14.3)
Massively improved sound design (14.3)
Removed SFX from many base enemies (to avoid unpleasant noise when lots are on-screen) (14.3)
Only Elites and Bosses now have SFX (14.3)
DoT attacks like Poison and Burn are now much quieter, etc. (14.3)
Void Hammer rework: now deals Arcane chain damage (14.3)
Adjusted Explosions visual effects to better match the actual hitbox (14.3)
Improved the UI style in different places (14.5)
Attacks tier colors: white/blue/green/purple => green/blue/purple/red (14.5)
Next Wave indication in Level Upgrade/Chest Found/Shop phases now also indicates the current Difficulty (14.5)
Axe and Fragile Hammer attacks are now more powerful (14.5)
Improved the description of the new Skill Vacuum item so it’s clear it’s attracting the Activation Orb of your Skill Attacks (14.5)
Update 14.2 : Minor Balancing tweaks and improvements (September 23 2025)
Update 14.3 / 14.4 : Balancing + Paloof Bossfight + Massively improved SFX + Void Hammer Rework (September 24 2025)
Update 14.5 : Enhancements (September 25 2025)
Thank you! Enjoy!