Build 938 - Well well well

Moonring · build 17844256 · published

On SteamNotes only · this build shipped before we watched the app

Build 938
Massive performance updates
Reaper summon now on-par with Lesser Reapers.
Sleathen can no longer be affected by a Cross of Force
Slam Gift text has been updated
Insane followers now refuse to interact with you
Gazers no longer bounce on the Overworld
Fixed Events so that they don't ALL generate monsters (sigh)
Events can now no longer generate or move to 'special' locations
Updated credits to reflect Simon's incredible work on performance improvements

Here's a build. It's a gift.

No, don't get up. You couldn't if you tried.

You're wondering why you're tied to that chair. I can tell.
The gag keeps you mercifully silent, but your eyes say it all.
It's always the eyes, isn't it? They are a giveaway.
You might say that you're not interested in someone, or something. Like this build, for example.
You may even believe it yourself. You repeat the lie so often it has begun to take on the flavour of truth on your tongue. But make no mistake, even a flicker of your gaze - ah, there it is!

Yes. Like that.

You don't want to look at the silver tray, do you? You don't like its ramifications. You've seen moments like this in films. You've read about them in books.

It never ends well for the one tied to the chair, does it?
No. Sadly it does not.

And I... I find that... trite.
So let's flip this little script, shall we?
Let's uncover the tray. Nono, you can look. I won't judge. You still have your eyes, do you not?

Voila! There we go! Aha. Now you see, don't you?
You're right. I'm not in this alone. This was a far more involved endeavour than one individual's peculiar pecadillo.

Would you like to see the others, my confidants and co-conspirators?
They've been waiting in the dark for this moment.
They've been waiting for you... to see.
Now, gaze upon... the cake.

Yes, they had a cheery message written on the top.
Indeed. It is royal icing.
It was... an expensive cake.

I apologise for the chloroform and the state of my car boot. I admit, the process of getting you here must have been quite alarming. It's possible I may have misunderstood your friends' instructions.
Nono. We'll have no shouting.
I suggest you take it up with them...
...once the gag is removed.

But now my time here has come to an end.
I must say 'adieu' and leave you to... them.
Your friends wanted you to have a... surprise party.
A special year to remember.

The balloons have begun to fall. Do you see? The number of balloons is the precise number of years you have been alive on this planet. Yeeess.

Happy. Birthday.