[INTERNAL MEMORANDUM | CCC-PR-DL001 | NEW PERSONNEL ORIENTATION BRIEFING]
Nighthold · published
WELCOME, RECRUIT!
Congratulations on your first day of service at Cosmos Colonization Corp™ — the leading galactic authority in planetary settlement, exploitation, and (when necessary) radical reconfiguration of alien worlds.
You've made the best choice of your short — and possibly heroic — life.
🛠 CORPORATE PROPERTY
Please remember: everything you touch is the property of Cosmos Colonization Corp™.
Your suit, your boots, your spoon, your thoughts — all officially logged corporate inventory.
Any damage, wear, or… bloodstained evidence of incidents will be deducted from your paycheck.
Or your family’s, should you fail to make it to the next payroll cycle.
📕 EMERGENCY PROTOCOL IN CASE OF SHIP FAILURE
1. Evacuate the ship.
Do not panic. Cosmos Colonization Corp™ will take care of you.
Proceed to the nearest escape pod and hold on tight.
Your chances of survival are roughly those of a slice of bread in a toaster — but at least it makes for a beautiful fireball.
2. Follow assigned objectives.
Your hip-mounted personal computer — the CosmoPad™ — knows exactly what to do and will generate an optimized action plan to help you survive and/or collect valuable scientific data.
Sometimes — both.
3. Document everything.
Knowledge is power. Especially when you are the data source.
Bitten by an alien lifeform? Log your symptoms. Dying of radiation? Describe the sensations.
Your suffering is not in vain — it serves science. And may even benefit future, luckier employees.
4. Trust only CCC™.
Local natives, wild lifeforms, other survivors — all are potential threats.
Only the corporation sincerely cares about you.
(This statement is contractually binding and may be used in promotional material.)
5. Drink water. Eat food. Sleep occasionally.
Your body is a corporate asset.
We’ve invested heavily in you — fuel, cryochamber time, paperwork.
Please don’t disappoint our investment.
🔜 IN THE NEXT ORIENTATION BRIEFING:
How to build a shelter that might survive the night.
Why you shouldn’t bring alien artifacts into residential zones.
And most importantly — how to identify if your neighbor is infected without hurting their feelings.
If you — or your friends — have not yet signed a contract with Cosmos Colonization Corp™, don’t miss your chance!
Add Nighthold to your wishlist here:
🔗 Add Nighthold to Wishlist