hey hey,
it’s been 5 years, wow. thank you.
https://www.instagram.com/p/DJ1-jfAMAV_/
Liadh made this awesome art on Monday for the anniversary (I'm always delighted to see more happy beautiful kasios) and shared some thoughts (included below also) so I decided to share some yself. (also I completely echo what she said about fan art; actually has anyone ever done kasio/cassiopeia cosplay?!)
and actually almost 10 years ago since me and Liadh started working together on a bunch of different ideas including the one that seemed to have the most unbending attractive gravity.
“if found, please return” came together v naturally pulling everything from the previous couple years of my life into it: old prototypes, feelings and new excitement for the future.
I was talking to someone yesterday about where the creativity is in serendipity (like william burrough’s cutup technique) and I think it’s in the deciding to stick with and keep a choice that was made for you or that just happened. a “feel decision”. me and liadh have been working together for this long not because she was the first artist I worked with, she wasn’t!, but because with her I was like yea! this is it, this is right!
at the same time, there’s been so many incredible people I’ve worked with that I really wish I could have chosen to keep working with, but was unable to, and sometimes people I would love to work with more but it just wasn’t the right time for it (I apologize to so many composers on both of these points <3 ).
many many people worked on this game and pushed it and helped it become what it is. even just on the writing it wasn’t just me and eve (who deserves buckets of credit - and ya’ll should quickly hire as a writer or producer (https://www.evegoldenwoods.com/)) it was also helped by claire brankin (a lot), aido wall, char putney, chandrika narayanan-mohan, and lots of others. (and on art there was also bri chew, hyyphinette and ok ok I’ll stop here, go play the game again and reread the credits).
and actually right now the gang is back to just me and Liadh again, with some bits of contracted help here and there. After finishing with If Found ports and patches at the end of 2020 Dreamfeel spent 2021 to 2024 with a LOT of amazing people on a big ambitious 3d game and it was a bit like the production of Fitzcarraldo. ultimately a few unlucky hills got in the way of finishing that game for when planned, so while we wait for the tide to return (if it ever does, sometimes things just aren’t meant to be), me and Liadh are working on a cool new project. it’s been super nice to instead be able to be so focused and productive in my work again and make the “feel decisions” directly (like writing a big overly long essay for an anniversary), rather than telling someone to tell someone what could be good.
here’s a little pic of me and Liadh’s new one:
so that first stage of development ended in late 2016 and in jan 2018 we decided to go with Annapurna as a publisher and started working with them (thx guys! 8)). I’m pretty sure they would have been delighted if just wrapped up the demo with a pretty bow and called it a game, but we wanted to do a lot more. we just didn’t know exactly what or how yet... so the next stage of if found from jan 2018 to mid 2019 was figuring out what the bigger game WAS and the time was spent working with lots of amazing people and trying amazing possibilities of what the game could be, and there’s lots of alternate dimensions where these versions were the ones finished instead, but in our dimension they weren’t right.
a year before release I realised that trying to solve gameplay and story at the same time was just not possible so I had to decide was this game going to focus on: lots of different mechanics or on story, and without hesitation I chose kasio’s story (apologies to my bank account). I needed to know what happened and why!
actually earlier this year I was thinking about returning to the game to work on the gameplay side that I didn’t get to in the original final push (and maybe to revisit these characters in some stories). but it doesn’t seem like the time is right for them, hopefully in the future. I think with more attention to the gameplay, the whole experience could be really really next level and pull EVERYONE into its orbit, but then again I am never happy haha. I’m glad that people are still discovering If Found anyway and it’s finding a place in the hearts of new people every day.
it’s interesting that even in late Summer 2019 when I chose to focus on kasio’s story over some cute but shortlived mechanical wow that it wasn’t a “trans” game. she may have been trans in my head but it wasn’t even in the text at all, she was solely battling with semi-nebulous mental health struggles. I actually don’t think our publisher was even aware that our game had a trans character until the final stretch. like, I had already included trans characters in my games since 2013 and most obviously in 2014 with Curtain, so it didn’t stand out to me as notable but the big difference was with Liadh’s art Kasio came alive in ways that Ally in Curtain never did. And even then only with Anu’s little epilogues did I feel more comfortable myself calling it a trans game, because it became about more than just one person.
in some ways I think boxing the game in as a trans game does it a huge disservice cos kasio isn’t “a trans” she’s “a human” and I think a lot of what she goes through can be super relatable to anyone. some of our biggest fans even (from translations mind) didn’t even realise kasio was trans until recently. but it’s also cool because when it means something to people, and often trans people, it means something v personal. so thank you. I would be so privileged if I could live just making art for trans people, and there ARE so many of us, and we’re fucking everywhere and not going away (so deal with it ya conformity obsessed freaks). sometimes I wondered why we didn’t attract more furore or hate from all the bandwagoning outrage merchants (and their sad little lives) and I think there’s really nothing they can get mad about? like, “love people even if you don’t understand them”, is just kinda basic human decency (also you do need to read a LOT of text to even figure out what’s going on, pretty hard to cancel Ulysses if no one finishes it).
anyway lol, here’s something nice as a thank you. finally the original “if found, please return” demo if you want to check it out!
Download here! https://dreamfeel.itch.io/if-found
(not on steam because this is simpler and it isn’t “official”)
I’ve promised this a bunch of times, and have shared it in limited places, but now it’s online publicly so thank you so much for waiting.
it will be familiar in some ways and also maybe a little exciting in how it’s NOT familiar too (free movement?!). even at this point dreamfeel wasn’t just me and liadh as besides some temporary producers here and there we were joined by the incredible inimitable Liz Ryerson who did the music and sound for it and elevates the whole little demo.
hopefully talk to you all soon. take care of yourselves, make cool art and live life.
here’s bowie:
*And it was cold and it rained so I felt like an actor*
*And I thought of Ma and I wanted to get back there*
*Your face, your race, the way that you talk*
*I kiss you, you're beautiful, I want you to walk*
*We've got five years, stuck on my eyes*
*We've got five years, what a surprise*
*We've got five years, my brain hurts a lot*
*We've got five years, that's all we've got*
and here’s one of the v v first reviews we got in the first few hours:
*a little trip through ireland and the universe surrounded by teenage dreams. It made me cry and it's not just a game, it's art. I love the aesthetic, the soundtrack is made for the game and I hella love this game. I want more like this! <3*
thanks Merusuró and thanks ya’ll
- llaura
Liadh on Insta https://www.instagram.com/p/DJ1-jfAMAV_/
Today is the 5th anniversary of If Found’s release date! Happy birthday to Kasio & the gang :) 💜🎂
I feel many mixed emotions on this anniversary. Over the last five years the story of our trans protagonist Kasio resonated with so many queer folks, and I’m so honoured to have been a part of creating positive representation for the trans community.
Today I am living in Scotland and I am simultaneously surrounded by trans people living their best lives, and reading about new laws actively trying to make their lives worse for some reason. It’s beyond comprehension that this is a “debate” right now, when it is in fact a sinister oppression of a community that includes my close friends, coworkers and peers!
I don’t know anyone who sums it up better than David Lynch in Twin Peaks who said “FIX YOUR HEARTS OR DIE”. Human rights are not up for debate, and if you can’t open your mind to tolerance and acceptance please follow David Lynch’s advice ✋🏻❤️
Thank you to everyone who played If Found and who shared kind words about it. And much love to people who made fan art over the years, it is the coolest thing in the world to see fellow artists’ interpretations of Kasio and the cast :’) 💖
Liadh xx